Butterfly Sparks Designs

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Stand Behind That Wall, Please! ;) Thaanks!


I was that little girl at the park that loved to exuberantly ask everyone, "Do you want to be my friend?!" Without words, this did not just mean, "Do you want to go play?!", but it meant, "Come! Be my friend! I have kindness for you! Let's go on an adventure!"and off we'd run! Sometimes they'd say no and I would say, "OK! If you change your mind, I'll be over there!" Usually, they would shyly inch over there or stare until I waved them over and they'd run over, since that's what they were contemplating anyways! There was no judgement there! We could say goofy sounds that meant nothing or say that I picked a booger and we would laugh to our hearts content! Even if someone said, "Eww!" it was still funny and we both knew we were in a safe place!
We were probably all on one side or the other of that scenario when everything was pretty simple and you loved or wanted to be loved!! There was no status, no facades, no walls because we just didn't know better yet!
I love to watch this in my two year old now! Toddlers may have to be taught to share and be kind, but they don't know how to go after a friendship for complex manipulation or to befriend you to gain something they are missing inside only to soon try to upgrade when it does not work! They do not think, just yet, of how to sabotage a relationship of someone they love so they can gain the trust of someone else or because someone breached the comfort zone of their heart! They don't know how to fill their gaping holes and hurting places with friends like a drug in subconscious hopes that it will fill them up and numb the pain! They just want to play, explore, love, and be loved! What happens to that?!!
Sin... Pain... Rejection... Selfishness... Fear...We all learn as the thorns of this world invariably rip our heart to pieces by other little hearts that are hurting too or even by other little people that have not been loved enough to be imparted the attributes of life giving friendship, that we had better learn fast to toughen up or even become what has hurt us!
Sometimes those thorns even gnash at our tenderness from siblings, parents, or loved ones, yet in these very first encounters of what love and a safe place should be rooted in, there is no truth to be found! There is no life giving love to be taught and only lessons of betrayal and love you must deserve are handed out like tainted sunglasses that carry a skewed view and chart an early path of untruth and destruction! Sometimes, it's even a life long journey trying to fit every puzzle piece into our hearts to fill this love need, but all the knock offs eventually fail and only further break our hearts!
The definition of that path and the shapes of the puzzle pieces all look different for all of us, but what is the same is that the only thing that our love is made perfect in is HIS LOVE! Invariably, we are all affected by the muck and stain of our sin filled world and we need the Father initially for His salvation, but what we sometimes don't realize is that washing us of our sin is also washing us of the affects of sin! We can't do it on our own and that's why we, just like Paul wrote, do the things we hate! That's why we promise to ourselves that we will never ever do something again and yet we do! We fall harder and harder and it springs back stronger the harder we pull just like a rubber band that only stings more the harder you stretch it!! Salvation from our thoughts and the renewing of our mind only comes by the reading of His word as we dig deeper into the Father! We overcome by His blood that was paid and as we proclaim His testimony in our lives as living worship! When it wakes you up like refreshing waters, you feel like you take a huge deep breath after you forgot to breath for a while or when you couldn't take a breath because you were under water!!
See, I lost that little girl! She's still there with a heart that loves to reach out to others and do what she was made to do! I love to open a window and pour out His love! I love to reach out and impart the beauty God has designed a sweet girl with who just can't see it! I love to laugh like there's no tomorrow and share my greatest struggles as He crosses my path with others, but what happens when I know that someone is breaching the wall around my heart?! What happens when I'm sitting there and I realize I forgot in my joy and God given friendship that I accidentally opened the door and not a window?! What happens when I know God is drawing me to a life giving friendship in answer to a prayer and they remind me of someone who stomped on my precious gift of love because I was too stupid to see their true motives?! How do we walk the line of wisdom and not throwing our pearls to swine, yet impart His love to this world through the only true means, our heart!
Oh, the levels of TRUST He calls me to higher and higher! You see, He's showing me how to listen to that whisper and follow that peace! He's showing me that He mends my heart even if I miss that voice! In pain and much to Satan's joy, I built a wall that when seen through the eyes of truth, is really a prison with bars! I thought this wall would protect me! I finally said, "I don't know why people hurt me and use me, but they won't do it again! I will protect me!" and, brace yourself, I said to my sweet, sweet Father, "I did it your way and I am a puddle of pain! It failed! It didn't work! See?! This is more than I can bear! This turn the other cheek stuff means everyone can treat me however they want! I am protecting me now!" I know, it's painful to write and so painful to remember, but even as I do He says, "It is gone! My daughter was hurting! You never asked me to leave and I never did!" See! I have no words for that awesomeness! I truly stand in awe! I throw Him rejection and He stands by me in love, carries me in His arms, and nurses me back to health! He knew I was lost in pain and He answered my call! His love is so much more that we can ever conceive or wrap our human minds around!
Now, one by one, with every request to follow Him in love, receive love, and give my love whole heartedly, He says, "This one, can I move this brick away here?" I answer Him, more and more easily and ,with trust, I am learning from Him to say, "Yes! please do!" Guess what?! Those bricks didn't protect me! They blocked me from the fullness of His blessings, love and joy!! No arrows are coming through where my bricks once were! He is trading my heavy bricks for His wisdom and blessings and I feel like dancing! I feel like that little girl because when He says, "Now sweetie! Let's dance!" I know I can trust Him and I answer to my Daddy! "Yes!! Yes!" Dancing is so much more fun than shackles and bars and loneliness behind a self-made wall!! Dance! When He asks in His love, answer in trust, "YES!":)

15 comments:

sacha said...

Ok, so in case you're not a blogger and you want to send me a comment, you can click "anonymous" to easily post!:)

Anonymous said...

oh sacha..you always amaze me. we always joke that ava is that girl. she goes anywhere and asks whoever is there..."will you be my friend" and off she goes holding their hand tight and they play to their hearts content. this post hit home with me and i am so glad that you follow Jesus as he tells you to do or say something. it really has changed my life.
lisa xoxo

Anonymous said...

Very Beautifully written! It is tough finding that place where we can trust others but ultimately we only trust God because he is the only one that will not let us down!Jenn

Anonymous said...

Beautifully written blog Sasha! You are on such a cool journey as you have decided to open yourself up to love and possibly even to rejection. But through it God will reveal His passionate love to you. oxoxxo
Rebecca GAtes

Anonymous said...

Nice blog. I can clearly see your heart to love and reach out. That's just like the Holy Spirit - always wooing us into relationship. Good job! Jan G.

For My Father's Glory said...

Wow, Sacha,
what amazing testimony you have learning the Father's love and what He intends for us to fellowship with one another!! You have blessed me so tremendously. I can't wait to have our friendship grow deeper, seeing our kids graduate from college, get married and have kids, the kind of friendship I know we'll have like Gaye and Nancy's (30+ years and still counting)!!

...Oh, and hanging out at each one's mansions in Heaven!

Friendships are truly gifts from GOD!!

Love you much, Elena.

Anonymous said...

Sacha,
I love your blog and I love your heart. My precious granddaughter, Emma (3), reminds me of you. She is always ready to befriend everyone she meets. The first day I met you I saw your heart of love, and I knew that I wanted to be your friend. I am so grateful for your precious friendship!
Much love, Gaye

Anonymous said...

I see you, as a great well that the Lord is rebuilding and shaping with His own hands. In place of porous bricks of fear, barley held together with pain, He is placing the stones of wisdom and grace, which cannot be breached by the enemy’s destructive rot. In place of any false confidence, He is continuously pouring in more and more of His perfect love and peace. No person or thing will ever be able to quench that from you, because He built you up, and the water flows directly from the Source!
I love you, Babe
-Ryan

Anonymous said...

I see you, as a great well that the Lord is rebuilding and shaping with His own hands. In place of porous bricks of fear, barley held together with pain, He is placing the stones of wisdom and grace, which cannot be breached by the enemy’s destructive rot. In place of any false confidence, He is continuously pouring in more and more of His perfect love and peace. No person or thing will ever be able to quench that from you, because He built you up, and the water flows directly from the Source!
I love you, Babe
-Ryan

Anonymous said...

I see you, as a great well that the Lord is rebuilding and shaping with His own hands. In place of porous bricks of fear, barley held together with pain, He is placing the stones of wisdom and grace, which cannot be breached by the enemy’s destructive rot. In place of any false confidence, He is continuously pouring in more and more of His perfect love and peace. No person or thing will ever be able to quench that from you, because He built you up, and the water flows directly from the Source!
I love you, Babe
-Ryan

sacha said...

I truly love you girls! God has molded my heart and shaped me for a long time to grasp what it means to love in Him!! I am so honored that He is so gracious to entrust me with His daughters that He treasures so dearly! I prayed for so many years of my childhood for one single friend that I could truly call friend!!
Lisa, to say that someone has changed your life by following the Lord is one of the greatest encouragements I can imagine! Jenn, you never fail to believe in me! That is amazing to me!! Rebecca, I love that God has crossed your beautiful path with mine! Jan, thanks for taking the time to read my heart and share! Elena, you have shown me the Father's handiwork in taking two girls born forever apart and weaving them forever in friendship!Gaye, you are a gift in so many ways, but most dear to me is you are my friend through sunshine and storm! Funny, realizing that on the day you knew you wanted to be my friend, I knew that I wanted to be yours! He's so sweet in the beautiful way that He's woven such strength, joy, encouragement, and love into my lives with His daughters!
Ryan, do you know how much that means to me? You don't waste your words, so it blesses me so much that you shared such an awesome vision! You are always supporting me and building me up in your quiet steadfastness! I'm so thankful he created our hearts for each other!
In great love,
Sach

Salina said...

Sacha,
Such beautiful writing and transparency. You are giving us a window into your heart, exposing the things that may not be so easy to discuss. So happy for the place that God is taking you! An amazing and incredible journey that us ladies are on together. Love you so much!

amy ford said...

SO good Sacha! You are an awesome writer and you are such an encourager ... i want to print it and keep it for times needed - love you!

sacha said...

Salina, the first day we met, it was so evident your heart was gentle!! You remind me of the sweet girl everyone admires but not everyone has the honor of being entrusted to befriend!!
Amy! You read it!! We have so obviously been woven together by the Father for so very many years!! Any time the devil has tried to sever our hearts, the Lord has said, "But wait!" and He has changed our lives through each others! Now that is a beautiful sign of a God given bond when your lives are used by Him to change each others! Thanks for being my friend and laying it all out there for Jesus!! Love you girls, Sach
Honored to Embrace Grace together!!!;)

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